


Through All of Heaven

by sleepyeyed



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, brief mentions of other characters in the SPN canon, cas is still a rebellious angel, dean still has older sister complex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:15:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28861647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepyeyed/pseuds/sleepyeyed
Summary: Dean is certain of a few things.1.) That he died, in a horrific car accident.2.) That the last thing he said to his brother was that he was a geek3.) That humans that rested in Heaven were forced to lose all their memories and,4.) He somehow managed to convince an angel to help him escape
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 15





	1. Prologue

Dean laughs softly, switching the cassette tape in the tape deck. He can't help but catch Sam’s infectious mood. There was nothing he enjoyed more than driving on the open road with his brother. It was his happy place, and to see Sam so happy after so long of being so sad he couldn’t help but feel the joy bubbling out of him.

The road stretched out in front of them, long and dark, with nothing but opportunity for his little brother.

Dean had been working extra shifts at the garage to save up enough money for this. It was the first time in a very long time that they had left Sioux Falls. Not since John died and family services dropped them off at Bobby’s door. There was something special about this drive reminding Dean of a simpler time when he was able to shield Sammy from the rest of the world.

Sam was flipping through a college booklet his face beaming at the various photos. He had received a full ride to Stanford, it made Dean proud. They were driving out there to meet with his advisor and get the tour of the school so he wouldn’t be a total fish out of water when he was there attending.

“They have an astronautics program Dean!” Sam said, excitedly, looking over at Dean. Dean raises his eyebrows, looking over at Sam, who bushes and says, “I mean, I’ll probably take something like sociology or criminology since I want to go to law school, but this is so cool." 

Dean snorts a humorous sound. “You know Sammy, most kids are excited to go to college because they can go to frat parties. You know, cool stuff. Like getting blackout drunk and jumping off a balcony, or banging a chick in a hall closet.”

He gives Sam the side-eye and chuckles at Sam’s look of disapproval. “In what world is jumping off a balcony fun?” Sam deadpans, his voice disapproving but also teasing.

He shrugs, looking back at the road. There are headlights heading toward them on the two-lane highway. He turns off the high beams of the Impala so he doesn’t blind the driver. He tries to ignore how they haven’t though and squints into the oncoming traffic.

“I saw it in a movie once. Seemed pretty fun for them.”

“That was in a _movie_ Dean, this is real life. I’m gonna join as many clubs as possible, maybe get hired on as a research assistant. That would be cool, to help a professor with their research. That would definitely look good on an application to law school.”

Dean laughs. “Woah easy tiger, you’re not even in your first year yet.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I can’t fantasize about it.”

“You’re such a geek you know that?” He says and laughs, and then glares into the high beams coming directly at them. The semi swerves—

Dean wakes up on the pavement.

There are flashes of light behind his vision and he can’t help but blink back at the feeling of _wrongness_ around him. The world looks like it’s covered in a dense fog, shrouded in some sort of gloom. He tries to shake that feeling and sits up.

What the hell?

His brain is riddled with confusion and he frowns, standing up. How did he end up here? What the hell was he doing just a moment ago?

“Dean?! DEAN!?”

He hears screaming and the world collides back into him with the force of semi and oh god, oh god, is Sammy okay? The truck swerved into their lane… and then? Fuck Dean couldn’t remember. That doesn't matter right now though, since he hears his brother’s yelling, and he stands up, barely noticing how weightless he feels, and starts stumbling forward.

He freezes, all around them there’s wreckage, with scattered glass spread across the highway. The Impala is caved in on one side, the windshield is completely gone. There is a semi a few feet away, it’s windows cracked. He sees a driver sitting on the side of the road, his head in his hands.

“Sammy?!” He shouts, running forward, feeling panic rush through him. He runs up to Baby, trying to see if Sam is still inside. Maybe he was being irrational since he could hear his brother’s voice, but god, this was a bad accident. There was no way that the kind of hit wouldn’t result in some casualties.

There would be no way that whoever was on the driver’s side was still breathing.

He freezes and feels the world fade into fogginess once more. He hears his brother’s voice, screaming his name desperately, begging, _pleading_ that they let Sam see him. Dean hears the sirens, sees the flashing lights, and hears the sound of a paramedic telling Sam to “stay still! You’re bleeding, you can’t help your brother but you can help yourself!”

Dean turns towards the scene.

Sammy is laid out on a stretcher, his neck in a brace. His head is bleeding pretty badly, and his arm is wrapped in a sling.

On another stretcher, Dean is being loaded into a body bag. Half of his body was not even recognizable and his neck looked like a limp noodle.

“Oh god,” he whispers, falling to his knees. “I’m dead,” he adds, looking back over at where Sam had started to break into screaming sobs.

He hears the sound of fluttering, he can’t place it. It feels weird and out of place. He feels more confused. Was this it then? He was stuck to live on this lonely ass stretch of highway? He also feels relief wash through him because he is so grateful that Sam is alive.

“Hello, Dean.” A deep, gravelly voice says behind him and Dean jumps, turning around.

The accident scene fades off into the distance and Dean faces a man. He is wearing a trench coat, an askew tie, and his hair could really use a comb. Dean frowns, and opens his mouth to speak, "are you God?" he asks. His hands begin to tremble and he puts them in his pocket, trying to ignore his brother's crying.

The man laughs and shakes his head. “No, I am an angel of the Lord. I am here to take you to your final resting place.”

Dean shakes his head. “What about my brother? He needs me.”

The man shrugs, and a look crosses his face that looks like annoyance, but it is quickly schooled into a neutral expression. “You can’t help him anymore, Dean," he says, "your vessel is destroyed, you are merely a soul now."

Dean frowns and looks down at himself. He felt completely real, what was this man getting at? That he was just a soul?

“Look buddy,” he begins to say and is startled when the man gets close to him.

His eyes are a shocking blue and Dean feels the words he was about to say fall from his brain, he was too stunned to say anything. The man looks annoyed, frustrated even, and Dean furrows his brow.

“I apologize,” the man said. “It is not my duty to gather souls and bring them to heaven, but there have been labour cuts. I do not have time for you to ask me the questions, nor argue with me about your fate.”

Labour cuts? What the hell?

He feels warm fingertips touch his forehead. Dean doesn’t know what happens after that.

Castiel sits down, adjusting his tie around his neck. He’s angry. He’s frustrated. He’s downright pissed. He should go down to the office and give Zachariah a piece of his mind about how ridiculous this change was. Castiel was a high ranking angel for crying out loud, he shouldn't be forced to travel down to Earth and gather the souls he'd be forced to clear of memories. There was enough work involved with trying to get the soul to rest at peace, he didn't need to also try and console the person he was working on. 

Dean had been a difficult soul to clear. He was vibrant, beautiful even. His light shone so brightly that Castiel had trouble even able to start cutting out the pieces that reminded him of his brother. He knew he needed to cut out those thoughts because Dean held on to them so tightly. His entire life was wound around his brother, and if Castiel forgot even one of those memories, Dean would definitely wake up and cause trouble not only for Heaven but also for Castiel. 

He was used to feeling slightly mournful at removing any soul’s memory, but Dean’s hit even harder. It probably didn’t help that Castiel had to go down to earth and fetch him, something an angel of a lower pay grade should have done. But since Zachariah had cut down on the Reaper budget to improve productivity, he was forced to do the dirty work.

Taking a sip of water, he rubs at his hands. They were still tingling from the power of Dean’s soul. He wondered how long that feeling would last for him.

Maybe forever.

He chuckled at that, remembering Anna’s words.

_They’re beautiful Castiel. They do not deserve the fate they’re given._

_What fate Anna? To be able to live their happiest moments? To experience that joy again and again?_

_At what cost Castiel? They lose everything that ever made them human. They feel so much differently than you and me. It’s what makes their souls so powerful, and to remove the things that tied them to earth? It is downright deplorable... blasphemous of our Father's greatest creation even..._

_Careful sister, this sounds like you are thinking of rebellion._

_Castiel do not lie and pretend that their beauty does not leave a scar on you._

He shakes his head and stands up, grabbing his coat. Anna was wrong, there were no scars. This was his duty. Collecting souls and clearing them so their power could fuel the heavenly host.

He shuts off the lights to his office, walking out of the building and resigning himself to sitting alone, once more.

“Hey, Dean watch out!” Bobby shouts, and Dean catches the ball and blinks.

He looks around the scrapyard, and then back at Bobby. “Sorry Bobby, I must have started daydreaming there!” He shouts back and throws the ball, laughing.

“Don’t worry about it!” Bobby responds in his gruff voice, catching the ball and then pitching it back to him.

It's a warm, sunny day. They had decided to go play ball because Dean had gotten caught making out with Jenny in the janitor’s closet and Mr. Pallipan was not impressed. He had called Bobby to get him, and Bobby decided he should do something he probably never really got a chance to. Maybe, in Bobby's words, it would keep Dean from trying to grow up so quickly.

There was the sound of kids playing nearby and Dean could feel happiness bubbling in his chest. This was fun, he never really got to experience this with John, because John was too drunk to even look at Dean half the time. This made him feel _seen_ and cared for, something that he had been so desperately lacking. This was true joy to Dean, something he would cherish for the rest of his life.

The sun flashes in his eyes and he nearly misses catching the ball again, he frowns, looking around, feeling like something is missing. His brain is firing of the sound of a semi horn and he glares, confused since they were nowhere near a highway. 

_“Dean!? DEAN!?”_

He looks around at the voice screaming for him. He couldn’t put a face to it, hell, he didn’t even know who it belonged to. “Do you hear that?” he asks Bobby, looking back over at him.

“Hear what?” Bobby asks, catching the ball.

“Someone is yelling for me.”

Bobby stops and tilts his head to the side. “Did you forget to eat breakfast this morning boy? Are you hallucinating?”

Dean laughs softly and shakes his head, shrugging off the sound. “Okay, maybe I’m just tired, you never know. Could also mean I have a sound brain, ever thought of that Bobby?”

“Yeah, or you’re tipping off your rocker.”

“Not before you, old man.”

Bobby chuckles, “treat your elders with respect boy,” he says, throwing the ball back towards Dean.

_“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean I can’t fantasize about it.”_

Dean drops the ball, being startled by the voice. "Bobby, are you sure you don't hear that?" he asks, feeling concerned and anxious. He walks around, not hearing what Bobby is saying in response. Instead, he begins to feel like something is off about this park, that it was too clean. Normally, it would smell like dog poop and there would be children crying nearby, but this was a perfect day. No smell of dogs, no children crying, just the sound of kids playing the smell of freshly mowed grass.

It was strange, but Dean feels like he is missing something important. The sun flashes in his eyes again, and he blinks, hearing the sound of his name being screamed in desperation, and he remembers the sound of crunching metal.

_“Dean!? DEAN!?”_

_“You’re such a geek, you know that?”_

The world shimmers around him and Dean is standing on an empty road. There is no sign of the Impala and no sign of Sam. "Sammy?" he calls out into the darkness, and he begins running, "Sammy!" he screams. 

In Castiel’s office building, an alarm starts flaring.

Castiel groans and answers his phone, staring at the soul he had been clearing, and frowns. He grips the phone tightly against his ear and stares off into space.

_Dean had his memories._


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You call being forced to forget my memories and live in some constant loop, freedom? Maybe I don’t have to worry about taking care of my family, and maybe that is a big amount of freedom I thought I could never dream of. But that’s not true freedom if I can’t live to enjoy it. What is the point of all this, of my suffering on Earth, of every human’s suffering on Earth if we can’t live to see the true freedom of suffering that you’re telling me I get to experience?”

Dean holds the angel blade tight to his chest, trying to catch his breath. His legs are aching, his arms are sore, he has a couple of nasty bruises, one of which is blooming over his temple, and he feels like he could sleep for eternity at this point.

He has been running from angels for what feels like days now. He’s been jumping from personal heaven to personal heaven, trying to stay one step ahead. Right now though, he knows he’s messed up. This heaven is a bunch of long corridors that intersect and end in weird places. He’s assuming this person’s heaven involves living in some weird horror mansion. So he’s been running and having to constantly backtrack because he keeps hitting dead ends. More importantly and worrisome, he can’t find the fucking exit.

It’s easiest if he finds the person the heaven belongs to. That way, he can jar them awake and force them to remember that they’re dead. He hated doing it because it made the person confused and terrified as the fog lifts, but it was a means to an end. When they woke up, the lights around them would start flashing and the exit would reveal itself and Dean could jump right through. But this person was equally as hidden as the exit.

He’s starting to get desperate though because if he can’t find his way out he’s going to have to face whoever is chasing him. With how his energy is draining, and how exhausted he feels, he’s not sure if he can fight this angel off.

The last couple that he’s run into he’s managed to take down. He thinks it’s sheer luck that he managed to do that, and he also assumes it’s because they were considered low tier angels. Or “guardians of the doors” as they call themselves. He’s managed to kill six so far, all of which were trying to capture him and take him who knows where. They also all had warned him that the angel that would find him would be very different, that it was one of the higher-ranking angels. Not as strong as an archangel, but strong enough that it would be Dean’s maker.

That’s why Dean is desperate to get out of this heaven because the angels weren’t lying. Dean has been running from this force that has been trailing him, and with each passing second, it gets closer. It causes the hair on his neck to rise and his breathing to get stuck in his throat. Whoever this angel was, Dean didn’t want to meet it.

Would it be even more attractive than the other angels he already met? Maybe it would be even more beautiful since it radiated so much more power? Or would it be terrifying to him? Like how angels are depicted in the bible?

Those are the thoughts that have been running through his mind as he explored more and more of heaven.

Whenever he exits one personal heaven, he ends up in the capital “H” Heaven as he likes to call it. It’s freaky, the main part of Heaven. It is nothing but hallways, and it almost feels like a hospital. It’s sterile and quiet, with gross fluorescent lights beaming down and doors on either side of the hallways. It echoed, too, and Dean could hear his breathing stretch on throughout the hall.

Along the hall were walls lined with doors, and that’s what Dean called the personal heavens or lowercase “h” heavens. They had numbers on them, and initials and Dean would often just run and quickly open the next door and hop into the next heaven. That way he didn’t have to stay in the corridor. It was eerie, uncanny valley type shit. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and he just couldn’t stay in there for long. He also knew that if he stayed in that part of Heaven he would be caught by the angels incredibly quickly.

His plan is to try and find a heaven that will lead him to an exit. He figures it’s probably flawed, but he’s sure each heaven will lead him closer to what the angels called “the center of Heaven” and that’s where the exit clearly was.

If he could find the exit, he could find Sammy. He doesn’t know what he’ll do then, but he’ll take it one step at a time. the first part of his plan and the most important though was to get out of this fucking maze of this person’s heaven.

The presence is looming closer, and Dean feels his breathing start to speed up. He turns a corner and meets another dead-end, he looks around, trying to see if he has enough time to backtrack. He can’t gauge how close the angel is, but he’s sure that it’s entering the hallway that he just ran through. The power the angel was giving off was enough to tell Dean how close it truly was.

What did those angels call it again? Castiel?

He has a weird moment of recollection, as though he’s heard that name before. Maybe he found a book at Bobby’s that talked about Castiel, the angel. Which wasn’t all that far fetched considering all the weird shit Bobby collects in his house.

A wave of sadness washes over him as he remembers Bobby, he wonders how the old man is handling his death. He assumes probably with a handle of whiskey.

The lights in the heaven start to flicker, and Dean frowns, he starts looking around. Did the person wake up? He shakes his head when he realizes that the exit wasn’t going to appear and then his mind makes the connection.

Castiel was the one who was making the lights flicker.

With each passing second, the lights start to flicker more, and a roaring sound starts to fill the maze of hallways. Dean feels every nerve in his body seizing up his muscles and begging him to run. He’s trapped now, there is no escaping and Castiel was definitely going to come and throw him into hell for killing those angels and forcing other people to wake up with their memories.

He takes a deep breath and tries to feel the weight of the angel blade in his hand, to get more comfortable with it. He stands firm refusing to let his fear make him go down without a fight. He’s determined to at least try and get away from Castiel because at least that way he can say he went down while fighting.

The roaring in the halls grows to a crescendo and the lights blow out, and nothing but emergency lights that line the halls are lighting it up. It’s poorly lit and Dean is now forced to brace himself for being unable to properly even see this angel.

He sees a shadow step around the corner, and he stands up straighter. He glares at the angel, and from what he can see it is a man, wearing a long, tan trench coat and an oversize suit jacket underneath. He has a blue tie but it’s askew, and his hair is messy. Dean isn’t sure if he can accurately guess the expression of the angel’s face, but it’s not one of anger, instead, it looks like annoyance.

Castiel snaps his fingers and the lights in the hallway turn back on, and he stops about six feet from Dean. He holds his hands up, palms facing forward, and tilts his head squinting at him. “I mean you no harm, Dean Winchester,” Castiel says and Dean is thrown off by his voice.

It’s deep and gravelly, commanding.

“Yeah, sure,” Dean says sarcastically and grips the angel blade tighter in his hand, “I’m not buying that. If you come any closer I will stab you.”

Castiel sighs, and tilts his head up, looking up at the ceiling. Then he looks back directly at Dean, and steps closer. “This does not need to turn into a fight, one which you will lose. Just please come peacefully with me.”

Dean shrugs, smirking, “I figure I’m already dead, might as well take my chances,” he goads. He knows that this is just bravado and that he really was in hot water.

He shifts his stance and gives Castiel a look. One that says, “try me” and winks.

Castiel sighs and starts walking towards him. He looks at the blade like it is just a butter knife, and not some weapon that could kill him with a good stab to the chest. Which of course, is not a comforting thought to Dean. The angels said that Castiel was a higher rank, did that mean a different weapon would kill him?

Dean steps forward, punching Castiel in the face. The angel barely even flinches, and Dean realizes fairly quickly that no amount of bravado would help him win this fight. It didn’t mean he wasn’t going to keep trying.

He manages to graze Castiel’s arm while evading Castiel trying to grab him by the arms to pin him. Dean wishes he hadn’t been backed into a wall because it makes the fight that much harder.

It ends fairly quickly, he got a few punches in, and one graze of the angel blade but Castiel quickly catches him. He grabs Dean by his wrists, pinning him against the wall. It’s an awkward position, all things considered since Castiel and he was standing face to face.

Dean glares at Castiel and tries to get a read on him, he also struggles futilely against his grip.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” Dean suddenly asks as he feels a wave of recognition wash over him. “I feel like I know you from somewhere, which… I guess doesn’t make sense, since you’re an angel and all…”

He’s rambling, but he’s trying to buy his time. Maybe if he distracts Castiel enough he can get out of his hold and escape.

Castiel furrows his brows in confusion, and steps back slightly, still pinning Dean by his wrists and shoulder. “That’s odd, most humans don’t remember me at all. I am Castiel, an angel of the lord, clearer of the souls. You know me Dean because I regrettably was the one who brought you to Heaven from Earth and removed your memories.”

“You were the one who removed my memories?” Dean asks, incredulous, “why?”

Castiel shakes his head. “That I can’t tell you, it’ll make it virtually impossible to remove your memories again.”

“Well, I don’t want you to remove my memories,” Dean says angrily, fighting his hold once again.

“I need to get back to my brother,” Dean adds. “I need to tell him I’m sorry for calling him a geek.”

Castiel sighs and closes his eyes. “Your brother probably doesn’t care that you called him a geek, he probably cares that you’re dead. He is not your problem anymore Dean, it is time to go.”

“Please,” Dean hates that he’s resorted to begging, but he sees no other option. “I can’t forget him, he’s all that I have. He’s been the only reason I’ve fought for so damn long and I can’t lose my memories of him.”

He swallows back a lump in his throat, the memories bringing up discomfort. His job was always to take care of Sammy, it was all he knew how to do. His brother was the only person he had for so long, even when John was alive. If it weren’t for Sammy, Dean would have never gotten his GED and started working at the garage full time. He was determined to put that kid through school and make sure he becomes some hotshot lawyer.

“All that pain,” Castiel says softly, “all that pain and suffering. You are finally free Dean, you can finally live for yourself and have peace. Don’t you desire that? Don’t you desire to be your own person and not let the people you think you have to take care of defining your worth?”

Dean assumes the last question is rhetorical because he has no answer to that.

“You call being forced to forget my memories and live in some constant loop, freedom? Maybe I don’t have to worry about taking care of my family, and maybe that is a big amount of freedom I thought I could never dream of. But that’s not _true_ freedom if I can’t live to enjoy it. What is the point of all this, of my suffering on Earth, of every human’s suffering on Earth if we can’t live to see the true freedom of suffering that you’re telling me I get to experience?”

Dean is tired, he’s sore, he just needs to rest, and he’s sick of arguing with this angel. Clearly, he doesn’t understand what true freedom is. Which makes sense, considering that angels are supposed to listen to every command given to them from God or whatever. Dean wasn’t religious, but he knew that much.

He decides instead of fighting against Castiel’s grip on him, he would fight Castiel by bargaining with him.

“I don’t know if you understand this, considering you’re a hammer of God or whatever, but part of being human is the choices that we get to make. We get to fuck up, and do stupid shit, and be in pain. That’s what makes us human, right? Free will and all that? You’re taking away every human’s free will by forcing them to be some weird robot who lives in this weird fucked up loop. Don’t you see anything wrong with that?”

Castiel meets Dean’s eyes and they hold eye contact for what feels like far too long. It’s intense, but Dean refuses to break. He is determined to make Castiel see that what is happening here is not right and that Dean deserves his freedom.

Even if the struggle for his freedom was born out of selfish reasons.

“If I let you go,” Cas says, his voice firm. “It will disrupt the entire fabric of not only Heaven but humanity as well.”

“So? Some things need to be disrupted Cas, it’s just part of the natural order of things. There would be no heaven and hell if Lucifer hadn’t rebelled right?”

Dean realizes that was a sore spot because Cas flinches, and glares at Dean. Dean realizes that he’s implying Cas should rebel and fall like Lucifer to help. Which… he kind of was if Dean was being completely honest with himself.

“Okay, so say I let you go free? What’s your plan then Dean? Are you just going to saunter out of Heaven and back on Earth?”

Dean chuckles, giving a little smirk. “Uh… yeah… that was the plan.”

Cas gives him an incredulous look and breathes heavily through his nose. “Oh that’s a great plan, except there’s one problem Dean, you don’t have a body. You can’t just go and see your brother because you would be a spirit on Earth. You are nothing but a soul here, and your brother would not see you.”

“Then I would find my body.”

Castiel blinks and his look of incredulous confusion turns into one of outright disbelief. “Okay, so you’re on Earth, you find your body. Then what? It’s in the ground right now, it is rotting. You were killed in a car accident, and it wouldn’t do you much good--”

“Can you repair bodies?” Dean asks, cutting Castiel off.

He realizes he’s said the wrong thing when Cas’ expression darkens and he glares at Dean. “I will not help you, I will not rebel against Heaven.” Did he seem almost… scared?

“Okay, so what do you suggest then Mr. Smarty Pants? You clearly don’t want to force me to come with you to get my memories wiped, so what do you suggest I do to get out of here and see my brother? I’ll figure it out myself, but you have to let me go.”

Dean always was independent, and he always figured out shit on his own. He would figure this one out, too.

“I can’t do that either.”

“Very fucking helpful, Cas,” Dean deadpans, he wants to throw his hands up in the air he’s so frustrated, but Cas was still holding them.

Dean takes a deep breath and exhales through his nose and stares over Castiel’s shoulder. He doesn’t want to make eye contact with him right now. He instead, wants to get his thoughts in order.

“Cas, I’ll make a deal with you—“

“I’m an angel, I don’t make deals,” Castiel says in confusion and Dean huffs out an angry breath through his nose.

“Just fucking hear me out for a second,” Dean says angrily and meets Castiel’s gaze once more. “If you got me out… I wouldn’t try and live on Earth,” he says and he means it. “What’s dead should stay dead and that includes me.

“Instead, I would go see Sammy, I would tell him I’m sorry for calling him a geek. That I love him, because I’ve never actually told him that, and then make sure he’s set up for Stanford. I would sell all my possessions, and make sure that he gets to keep my beautiful 1967 Chevy Impala for the drive to his school. I just need to make sure that he’s set up, and then I would let you take me right back here.

“Then you can do whatever you want to me. You can erase my memories again, or you could send me to hell. I don’t care, but please just help me get back to my brother. I promise you I won’t cause any problems after that,” Dean finishes. He says each word with conviction because he truly means them.

Castiel drops Dean’s wrists and shoves his hands in his pockets. He starts fidgeting and Dean frowns but doesn’t try to run. Cas was right, there was no way he was getting out of here without help, and Cas seems like he’s willing to help.

“Dean,” Cas starts and takes a deep breath, meeting Dean’s gaze once more, “if I do this… If I help you, I will fall. There will be no Heaven for me to go back to, I will be locked away in Heaven’s prison.”

“You said something about the structure of Heaven… if you and I took it down, would you still fall?” Dean asks, he’s grasping at straws now.

Dean thinks about the injustices occurring in Heaven right now, and how everyone deserved to live in freedom. He thinks about how when Sammy ends up here… he didn’t deserve to lose his memories. Neither did his mother, or Bobby, or Ellen or Jo. They all deserved to be able to live in freedom and live with all their memories intact. He’s willing to help Cas make that a possibility for them.

“It’s not that simple Dean, we can’t just overthrow the structure of Heaven. There are rules that must be followed, and I am unsure how to do it. We would need to get the help of an archangel… but we risk another war like the one with Lucifer. Angels won’t be as easily persuaded as you have persuaded me,” Cas says, but although he sounds reluctant, he doesn’t sound like he’s against the plan.

Dean musters up all his bravado and gives Cas his best devil-may-care smiles. “Well, I guess then you and I will have to figure it out on our own. Just a rebellious angel and a dude with a GED and a give ‘em hell attitude. Okay?”

Cas bites his lip and looks down, shaking his head, with a small smile on his face. Dean can tell he’s scared like this is a monumental thing for an angel to be making a choice like this. But Cas also seems determined and ready to make that choice, and Dean admires that in him. There was nothing braver than fighting against everything you’ve ever known.

He waits patiently while Cas makes his choice.

When Cas looks back at Dean, he looks resolved, like this decision is what he’s sticking to and it’s not something he’ll ever go back on.

“Fine,” he says, his angel blade falling from his sleeve. “I’m going to help you, but we’re going to have to stay in the memory rooms, if we go into the main center we will be captured. You also look like you need to rest, and I can make sure no one bothers us while you do that.”

Dean smiles and nods, following Castiel back out of the maze of halls he originally got lost in. He feels like something monumental just happened, and he can’t put words to it.

He instead focuses on the plan, and that is to get out of Heaven and find his brother.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I won’t let you fall,” Cas says softly, reassuringly. 
> 
> Dean looks back at him in disbelief. “What?” 
> 
> “I won’t let you fall,” Cas repeats, still with that tenderness in his voice that makes Dean’s stomach twist weirdly. “Do you trust me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not have a beta reader so please forgive any mistakes!

Dean wakes up, groans, and presses his face more firmly into the pillow he was hugging. 

His body is still sore, but he’s finally as alert as he can be. He feels relief wash over him at the realization that he finally was well-rested. He was starting to go crazy and was worried he wouldn't make it when Cas had led them to this tiny room in a person's heaven. The bed was comfortable, and Cas had warded the door and Dean was out the second his head hit the pillow. 

He sits up and opens his eyes, to see Cas sitting on the corner of the bed just staring at him. He jumps back, and then glares at Cas, "dude that's fucking creepy," he says. 

Cas gives Dean a look of confusion, as though he doesn't know what is so creepy about watching a guy sleep, but then a look of recognition crosses his features and he nods to himself. "My apologies." 

"Whatever," Dean says and stands up, grabbing his jacket off the headboard of the bed. "Did you sleep at all last night? Or did you decide that watching me was the most fun activity you could do?" 

“I don’t sleep,” Cas deadpans.

Dean doesn't even miss a beat and just nods. "Oh that's great, you don't sleep, so you definitely decided that watching me sleep all night was more fun. Again, dude, that's just fucking creepy," he mutters and ignores how he doesn't feel like his personal privacy has been that violated. He figures it's because once a guy has had his hand in your soul, what other line is there to cross? Plus, Cas not being able to sleep might be a good thing, since he could keep watch all night and make sure Dean wasn't murdered by angels. 

Then he remembers how strange it is that Cas doesn't sleep. "You don't sleep? Like at all?"

Cas shrugs. “Why would I have a need for it? I am a celestial being.”

“Okay, so angels are robots." 

Cas frowns and tilts his head. “No,” he says, confusion in his voice, “we are not human creations. We are creations by God, his warriors.” He says it so matter-of-fact that Dean smiles and can’t help but snicker.

“Jesus, Cas, take a joke.”

Cas squints and tilts his head slightly, “I am also not Jesus,” he responds, the confusion in his voice becoming that much more prevalent. 

Dean blinks and sighs, looking up to the ceiling and taking a deep breath. He figures Cas really hasn’t been around humans enough – besides clearing their souls – to know the nuances of human humour and slang. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t find Castiel’s complete obliviousness to not be really damn annoying.

“So, what are you then? You’re not a robot, you’re not Jesus…” Dean points at him, “which by the way was another joke. So what would you classify yourself?”

Cas sighs and Dean sees that look of annoyance cross his face again. Dean gives him the stink eye, because really if anyone should be annoyed right now, it should be him. He’s the one who has to put up with an angel who doesn’t get a joke, and frankly is a little on the wooden side when it comes to interaction.

“I told you, technically I am a warrior of Heaven but… through… changes,” Cas mutters, “we are now considered guardians.”

Dean frowns, still confused as shit. “What does that even mean?”

Cas sits down on the chair by the bed and shrugs. 

Dean doesn't say anything, he just looks at Cas expectantly, waiting for his answer. 

“Human souls are quite powerful,” Cas says, simply, like it was a well-known fact. “They are created by God, but they are given something unique compared to angels, your free will. Your soul is much more powerful than my grace. It is concentrated energy and it can be used to run celestial plains, and give certain celestial beings power. The more souls a place has, the more powerful it is, and the better it runs.

“You can consider human souls like electricity. They are the reason angels have their grace because their main charge is to guard the souls. Our job is to ensure that the souls get eternal rest, with that eternal rest, the souls power the center of Heaven and allow us to continue our jobs. Our existence is fuelled by giving humans peace.

“My specific job as a guardian is to ensure that the soul gets to eternally rest. That is why I clear souls of all memories. It creates a clean slate, like a… freshly charged battery. It makes the soul easier to control because it removes some of the fights that the human had on Earth involving their freedom of choice and their decision making. Moreover, a soul just tends to be calmer when it has happier memories fuelling it. But that is a double-edged sword,” Castiel pauses and looks up at Dean, which Dean assumes is to ensure that Dean is following.

Dean nods and gestures for Cas to keep going.

“A human soul that is filled with memories is much more powerful than a human soul that is a blank slate, like how yours was when it woke up. However, that makes the human soul that much more difficult to control and to funnel power through. For human souls to power the heavenly host they need to be docile. It allows us to continue our mission, while humans get to remain at peace, ”he finishes and leans back against the chair, undoing his tie slightly. Dean can tell that Cas is anxious, that this is something he definitely shouldn’t be sharing with Dean.

“So… you wiped my memories… to keep me docile?”

Cas nods. “Clearly, I should have wiped more,” he says wryly, “you are the prime example of why memories need to be wiped. It is a shame, too, because you are probably one of the brightest souls I have had the pleasure of getting to see and handle. You are rare, most humans… although bright, are much duller compared to you.”

Dean feels his cheeks heat at the way Cas is staring at him and he looks down at the carpet of the room. It's grey, muted, but softer than any carpet Dean has stood on. Most of Bobby's were threadbare, his mind is still trying to process what Cas has said to him. He figures that he's not all that special, but Cas is looking at him like he is. 

Instead, Dean responds with his usual rebuttal of laughing off the compliment, and giving a stuttered, “Uh… thanks?” while rubbing the back of his neck, he doesn’t give Cas enough time to respond. “So… in order for human souls to power the heavenly host… and help the mission… they need to be wiped of memories?”

Cas meets Dean’s eyes. “That is what I told you, yes.”

“What’s the mission?” Dean asks.

Cas shrugs, “I am uncertain of that,” he says and stands up. “They don’t share those kinds of things with me, that is reserved for Zachariah and the archangels. They funnel our father’s orders down to each angel. I am the clearer of the souls, and Zachariah is the… the manager of them I guess if you put them in human terms?”

“Well that’s bullshit,” Dean responds. “You have to wipe our memories, keep us docile, so we can power the heavenly host and then… what? It seems like a load of shit to me, like something just doesn’t add up.”

“I know,” Cas says. “I have questions, I have doubts. I question why I should have to stifle souls as marvelous as yours, but it is my duty to follow orders. Well, now it’s not, but that is an angel’s job. To take orders and do as they are told. To be a soldier.”

Dean chuckles, “you know… that sounds a lot like what my father used to say to me. Be a good soldier, take care of Sammy, stop asking questions,” he mutters.

Cas smirks, and nods. "I am aware, you had a lot of memories about your father," he says and walks to the door, removing the warding. “We should get moving, we will start to be hunted by the angels now, considering that I haven’t come back with you and you’ve been hidden for a few hours. The angels will get suspicious of your whereabouts as well as mine.”

Dean sighs and nods. “Yeah, guess it’s time for us to get a move on. How much time has elapsed on Earth, anyway? For all I know, Sammy could be thirty right now. Time feels weird here.”

Cas opens the door and walks out, his back taut. He is clearly on high alert, Dean admires that, maybe Cas was right and angels were actually soldiers. Which was strange to Dean, all things considering. What was the need for fighting if the only thing you had to subdue was human souls?

“You’re very observant,” Cas replies, leading them to a doorway. They enter into the corridor of Heaven and Dean ignores the creepy feeling that runs up his spine. “Time is… well, for one thing, a human invention so it doesn’t have use up here in Heaven. There is no point in calculating the passage of time for most angels because we are eternal. However, we can manipulate the passage of time up here as well, it doesn’t run the same as it does on Earth because it changes depending on each soul.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Cas sighs and Dean is starting to get really fed up with how easily the angel seems to get annoyed with him. It’s not like Dean can fully comprehend such confusing and broad topics about the concept of Heaven. Especially because Dean didn’t even believe there was a Heaven before he died.

“You are a soul that died in 2001, for example,” Cas says, looking back at Dean. Dean nods, to ensure that he can clearly grasp the concept of when he died. “Your heaven was created with memories from your childhood, so for you, and the angel guarding your door, your heaven was in 1989 give or take. Considering that you were ten when your adoptive father, Bobby Singer took you in.

“When you woke up, as in, when you rudely came back with all your memories and caused this mess,” Cas gestures around them, “your timeline shifted and it went right back to 2001 in your heaven. Heaven itself runs in a weird timeframe, but basically, we collect souls that die in the present, but we also can move backward and forwards in time,” he finishes.

“Okay, I’m guessing I’m just an idiot because I can’t begin to understand that." He ignores how insecure that makes him feel. 

“On Earth, we can’t move time, not like in Heaven, just… it’s hard for your little human brain to understand that and I get it,” Cas says and opens the door to a heaven. “Just… know that when we get you out of here, I should be able to put you in a timeline that is ideally only a month or two after you died.”

Dean nods and walks through the door after Cas and bumps right into his back, which fucking _hurt_ because the man was like a wall of iron.

“Why did you stop moving? What's wrong?”

Then Dean starts looking around and his eyes widen. They’re standing in a giant amusement park, in the evening because he can see the sun setting over what appears to be the ocean. Around them, there are shining lights, a huge Ferris wheel, rollercoasters, food stands, and so many people running around.

“This… is not the door I intended to go through,” Cas says slowly. “This complicates things,” he adds and turns around, assessing the heaven. His expression is cool, calculating. Like he's trying to figure out the best plan of action. 

Dean is still dumbstruck, especially by all the people milling about. It’s odd, most heavens have only one person in them. “Why are there so many people here?”

“It’s because this is a memory a lot of people have and enjoy. This is a very popular fair attraction, and a lot of people have the same timeline that this one falls under. It makes more sense to keep them all together, it makes the heaven more authentic… which in turn makes it one of the bigger heavens.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Dean asks, “considering there are so many souls here, shouldn’t I just blend in?”

Cas bites his lip and nods. “Yes, but the issue is that there are many exits… and I am unsure of which one we should take...”

Dean frowns, that makes no sense. Cas acts like he knew how to create a good battle strategy but clearly, he's bluffing because the answer seemed pretty straightforward. “Shouldn’t we just go to the easiest exit then?”

Cas gives Dean a look, one that says 'You're an idiot'. “I mean, yes, that would be the most logical solution to this predicament. However, the issue is that exit leads directly into the heart of Heaven where a lot of angels reside. It is also heavily guarded, and we would be captured before we even got there.”

There is a scuffle from behind them and Dean frowns, trying to tune out the din of the fair. It's loud, with people talking, rides running, and music from various different stands, he turns and sees souls begin to part like the red sea. 

“There!” Someone shouts from the distance and Cas huffs, grabbing Dean’s arm, he drags him into the crowd and Dean stumbles after him.

“Not to mention that this heaven is also heavily watched, considering how many souls are here. That means there are tons of guardians outside the doors but also within the limits. Otherwise it would be very difficult to keep these souls docile and asleep. This fair is an incredible power source, and from what I can sense, the door we entered through is now blocked off.”

Dean curses and looks around. “Okay, great, so we basically ran into a trap.”

Cas purses his lips. “We’re going to have to find another exit, one that is less guarded. Which… regrettably means that we’re going to have to fight some angels.”

“Why is that regrettable? I’d love to take them down.”

“They’re my brothers and sisters Dean. I would rather not harm them,” he responds, meeting Dean’s eyes. “But, we have no choice, the only way I can get you out of here is to fight the ones who start coming for us.”

“Okay, so where are these exits?”

Cas huffs and turns around, pointing to the rollercoaster. “It’s at the top of that.”

Dean blinks and then looks back at Cas wide-eyed. “You’re fucking kidding me, right? How the hell are we supposed to get up there!?”

“Ride the ride obviously,” Cas says and looks at Dean with confusion on his face. “Then when it hits the top before it drops, I’ll open the door and we should be okay.”

“You’re joking.”

“Dean, you keep asking me if this is a joke, and I have explained it is not a joke. We have to ride the rollercoaster.” The words sound strange coming out of Cas’ mouth, but Dean can’t focus on that. Instead, he stares up at the top of the roller coaster with wide eyes.

He takes a shaky breath as he takes in the ride. Dean has never been a fan of heights, that’s one of the main reasons he’s in this mess in the first place. He couldn’t take a plane to California because he’s terrified of flying. When he’s not in control of the death vehicle he doesn’t feel safe. 

Not to mention that with this rollercoaster they would have to get out at the very top, which to Dean seemed well over 150 feet in the air. He also can’t help but think about how they were probably also going to have to fight angels on their way up to the door and through the exit. There’s no way that he would be able to handle that kind of height and pressure.

He feels the world around him start to tunnel into silence, with the roaring of blood in his ears getting so loud. He looks back at Cas, trying to keep the panic from entering his voice. “Is there...” he swallows when his voice shakes, “Is there another exit?”

Cas furrows his eyebrows and looks over at Dean, pausing in his determined walk through the crowds of people. He lets go of Dean's arm and makes sure that they hold eye contact. “What do you mean? This is the easiest one to get to, and we don’t have that much time, why would we go through another one?”

“Uh… so… I’m not exactly a fan of heights…”

Cas blinks. “Dean… you’re dead.”

Dean laughs and shrugs. “Who would have thought, huh? Apparently, death isn’t enough to remove my irrational fear of heights and machinery that I can’t control.”

“They went that way!” A voice shouts through the crowd and Dean turns to the sound. People have started moving out of the way of three people walking through the crowd. They were dressed in suits like Cas, but unlike Cas, their suits weren’t rumpled and actually looked like they fit them properly.

“I’m sorry Dean,” Cas says, his voice low. “There is no option here, either we get on that ride and go through that exit, or we will be captured.”

Dean swallows. “There are only three angels, you and I can take them on and easily find another exit.”

Cas gives Dean a look, and it’s one of sympathy but with something else underlying it. Dean can’t place his finger on it, but it almost looked like concern and... awe? 

Then from the opposite direction, they heard more shouting and more footsteps and Dean realizes that the angels have cornered them in. He looks back at Cas with wide eyes, meeting the angel's blue eyes, and tries to get his hearing and breathing back. He personally, thinks it would be much better to face the angels head-on rather than go on that rollercoaster. Which is suicidal, but in his mind, it is more suicidal to try and go on that death trap.

“I won’t let you fall,” Cas says softly, reassuringly.

Dean looks back at him in disbelief. “What?”

“I won’t let you fall,” Cas repeats, still with that tenderness in his voice that makes Dean’s stomach twist weirdly. “Do you trust me?”

Dean swallows, and he looks back at the angels who had now spotted them.

Did he trust Cas?

Deep down, he knew it was insane to ask that question, all things considering. He just met the angel less than a day ago, and the angel was the reason he had lost his memories in the first place. Cas was an angel, and his duty was to follow the plan of Heaven. Why should Dean trust him?

But… on the other hand, Cas was helping him. He was rebelling and risking losing his whole stature and prestige in Heaven. He was in turn being hunted by angels because he was a traitor for protecting Dean. He was helping Dean because he felt bad for him and he wanted him to find his brother. Cas was trying to restore the free will of not only Dean but also of all the other human souls that rested in Heaven. Dean would never have made it even remotely this far if it weren’t for Cas helping him.

So yeah, this was very fast-moving, and Dean didn’t trust people easily.

Deep down though, Dean felt a strange connection to Cas. Which was a can of worms he wouldn’t even go near and look at.

He swallows and meets Cas’ eyes and nods. “Okay, I trust you, let’s get out of here before these angels catch us.”

They make a break for the roller coaster, running through the crowds and pushing their way through the line. He tries to ignore how much higher the rollercoaster seems this up close and he also is so grateful that he doesn't need to eat in heaven, otherwise he would definitely be throwing up. He tries and ignores the excited voices around them, as well as the sound of the angels closing in on them and running through the crowds yelling for Dean and Cas to stop. 

Dean grips the guardrail tight when they are finally seated in the roller coaster. He takes a shaky breath and looks at Cas, who nods reassuringly and then looks down at the angels who are standing at the very bottom of the ride, looking up at them with glares. They are in the clear, and Dean tries to take solace in that, that they would be off this ride soon enough. 

Then the angels started climbing the rollercoaster.

"Cas," Dean says, his voice going higher the more anxious he becomes. He's watching as two angels climb up the side, seemingly effortless, and also very fast. "Can't you just use your angel powers and like teleport us to the door?" 

“I can’t transport us both to the exit,” Cas mutters, looking over the edge at the fastly approaching angels. He says a word in a language that Dean can't recognize, but it sounds an awful lot like it's meant to be a curse word and looks back at Dean. "We're gonna have to fight them," he says and uses his crazy angel strength to pry open the guardrail and stands up, his angel blade sliding out of his sleeve. “We just need to make it to the top, it should take approximately 30 seconds…”

The coaster begins to tilt back as it makes it ascent up the slope and Dean grips the seat. He feels anxiety swallow up his stomach and his heart and he's sure all of his other eternal organs as he is forced to stare up at the sky. He can't move now, he can't pay attention to where the angels were, because without the guardrail he is definitely going to fly out of the ride. Heaven or no heaven, Dean still could feel pain, and he didn't want to feel the pain of falling 200 feet to the ground. 

He feels the cart start to tilt forward and he swallows back a scream as he's forced to face the tip of the drop. Cas looks down at him and then is occupied when a hand comes over the edge of the cart, grabbing at his leg. Dean knows they're toast because the cart was going to hit the peak and fall off, and then he and Cas would fall out. 

Then the rollercoaster stops altogether and Dean whimpers. The air is whistling through his hair, in the distance, he can hear waves crashing over the ocean, and as he looks, he can see the entirety of the fair. 

He hears a grunt and Cas stabs the angel he had been fighting, forcing the ride to rock dangerously and Dean swallows back yet another scream of terror. "Oh god," he whispers, "oh god I'm going to die... again."

He feels a hand on his shoulder and he looks up at Cas with wide eyes and Cas nods. "Dean, I need you to stand up, we're gonna have to jump for the door. I'm going to open it right now, and we're going to jump. We have to make it out before," he looks over the edge. "Before we get ambushed by two more angels." Cas' voice is being swallowed up by the wind, and he looks quite stunning, really, if Dean wasn't so petrified he probably wouldn't let himself think that way. Behind Cas, the ocean stretches out, and he's standing as a firm silhouette in the night sky. It's something Dean would definitely describe as angelic. 

He stares over the edge and then back at Cas and shakes his head. He’s gripped by panic, and there is no way that he can let go of the edges of his seat to stand up in their car. Not to mention that they were on a very strong angle, and Dean was certain if he stood up he would fall out of the other side.

Cas groans and tries to force Dean to stand up, and Dean is pulled into what he can only assume is the free-flowing air by Cas' sheer strength of will. He feels the cart rock dangerously under his feet and he feels tears start to prick at his eyes. 

"Dean we need to go... now!" Cas shouts, and just then another angel pulls themselves over the edge of the cart, the edge that was teetering over the drop. Cas glares at them, and kicks at them, hard. Their head flies back with the blow of Cas' foot connecting with their chin but they grip tightly to the ride, causing it to start to teeter even more dangerously over the edge. The angel quickly recovers and forces itself up onto the track, grabbing at Castiel. They begin to scuffle, and Dean can't help but yell this time when the rollercoaster starts moving again, but this time it is teetering backward. 

"Oh god, I'm going to be sick," Dean mutters but forces himself to stay upright. 

Dean gasps for air and grabs his angel blade, Cas is gripping Dean’s shoulder hard, while simultaneously swiping at the angel in front of them. He’s cursing, and for Dean, everything is moving in slow motion. He forces himself to grip the blade and let go of the seat, making himself stand up straight. 

The angel is distracted by Cas, it’s barely looking at Dean. It grabs for Cas’ trenchcoat, pulling him forward, and Dean takes that opening.

He thrusts the angel blade forward right into the angel’s throat, closing his eyes against the flash of light that erupts from the wound and the angel's eyes and mouth. The sound is loud enough that Dean is certain he was going to go deaf.

Then the angel is falling, and it’s taking both him and Castiel with it.

They tumble over the edge of the rollercoaster, which then finally flies over and off the drop, but that doesn’t matter at this moment because they are flying through the air.

Cas is still gripping Dean’s shoulder, and Dean is currently screaming as his life depends on it. He feels the air rushing around him and sees the ground get closer as they plummet.

They’re going to die. This is the end of the line, they’re going to hit the ground and Dean is going to die and Cas is going to get captured and Dean feels so fucking bad for roping Cas into this.

Then it feels like his shoulder is popping out of its socket and Cas grunts, and they stop falling straight for the ground and are staying still, floating in the air. Dean is swinging, staring in disbelief at the ground, which was still one hundred feet below them. He could have sworn they were falling faster than that. 

“Holy… holy shit, holy shit holy shit holy shit,” Dean says as he tries and catches his breath and looks up at Cas. Cas is gripping the exit handle, the door swung open in the middle of the damn night sky and shining light on his face, one that held a look of complete concentration. Cas is breathing heavy, gripping Dean tightly while trying to pull them through the door. 

“Holy shit Cas!” Dean shouts again, and Cas pulls them through the exit, shutting it tight behind them. They roll across a clean, grey, carpeted floor like the ones in an office building. 

“Holy shit!”

Cas gives him a look of utter disbelief. “You’ve said that already,” he sounds out of breath and he’s bleeding from a cut on his side. “Also, I told you I wouldn’t let you fall, you need to trust me better.”

“I did trust you!” Dean says in complete and utter disbelief, "but also don't blame me for that because if you didn't notice we were falling 100 feet through the air." 

Cas shakes his head, and runs a hand through his already messy hair, and stands up. He seems a little shaky but he looks at Dean. “Do you need help up? You seem pretty scared still.”

“I am not scared,” Dean says petulantly and defiantly while forcing himself to stand up, his knees are wobbly but he chalks that up to the complete disbelief that they are alive. “Holy shit Cas, you’re like a superhero.”

Cas snorts and shakes his head. “No, just a powerful and determined angel,” he mutters and looks around. “Come on, we need to get moving. We’re in the center now, which means angels are definitely tailing us. I need to find a place where we can ward ourselves in and I can figure out how to get to where I can restore your body and send you back.”

“Where is that exactly? The place you can restore my body?”

“It’s my office, I can restore you there.”


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment is cut short when the lights in the hallway turn off and a siren blares loudly over the speakers. Dean doesn’t even have time to think, his migraine feels like it shatters in his head, and he crumples, covering his ears. He hears Cas’ shout of concern in the distance, but he’s too busy trying to breathe through the blinding pain that flares behind his eyelids and fills up his mouth with static, and makes him feel like he’s chewing on tinfoil. 
> 
> It’s like a burst of sheer energy like electricity is soaring through his head. He can’t even focus on keeping himself conscious. 
> 
> Cas is picking him up, carrying him as fast as he can through an office door. 
> 
> As suddenly as the noise started, it stops and Dean tries to catch his breath. He slowly opens his eyes, meeting worried blue ones. Dean looks around the room, or tries, barely able to stop it from spinning. He notices what looks like blood in squiggly lines all over the door to the office and he coughs. 
> 
> He spits out blood, and he looks back at Cas. “Looks like they figured out how to catch us off guard,” he says and smiles, seeing Cas’ eyes widen and then the room goes black.

The hallways of the center of Heaven are long but dreary. Dean considers how they look like corporate offices, but the kind that he’s only seen in movies. He’s too blue-collar to actually have ever stepped foot in a place like this when he was alive.

These offices were different from the hallway he stumbled into when he was jumping from heaven to heaven. Instead, there was soft music playing over speakers that Dean couldn’t see, with flat, plain, grey carpet that made the hallways seem smaller. The walls were not white, but they weren’t beige either. They were that colour that sits in the in-between that every cheap apartment had. Along the halls were doors, but these were marked with numbers. Right now they were passing doors: 2-887 and Dean wondered vaguely wondered what was inside them.

The other part of his brain was considering how the fluorescent lights caused the migraine he had to reach almost unmanageable levels. Pair that with the searing pain in his shoulder, the way his back ached, and his nausea from the migraine, and Dean wasn’t having a good time.

They were so fucked, because Dean was too goddamn human.

He takes a deep breath and watches the lines in Cas’ back. He was walking fast, his posture straight, Dean considers how Cas had shared that he was a soldier and Dean could see it now. The way that he was walking with such a purpose, but also seemed to be on high alert as well.

“Hey, Cas, could you tell me why I’m in pain right now?” Dean asks, breaking the silence between them that was somehow made more oppressing by the weird music.

Cas freezes and his shoulders almost get straighter, if that was even possible and he turns to face Dean. He’s squinting, but not the squint that Dean has been referring to his confused squint, and it wasn’t his annoyed expression either. This was a look of concern.

“You’re in pain?”

Dean nods and swallows as another wave of nausea threatened to cause him to throw up. This pain was different than the pain that he had experienced in the heavens. This was sharper, more intense, unbearable. He’s unsure if he could keep walking with it.

“What hurts?” Cas says, tone sharp, concerned.

Dean considers that for a moment. “Mainly my head, but my shoulder and back are also killing me. My main concern is the migraine I’m feeling though.”

Cas walks over to Dean and then very abruptly presses his fingers to his forehead, while also crowding into Dean’s personal space.

“What the _fuck_ dude?” Dean asks and tries to step away. “Give me some personal space!”

Cas rolls his eyes and frowns. “You’re insufferable, give me a moment to try and help work out what is causing your headache.”

“Shouldn’t we be focusing on the problem at hand here?”

Cas furrows his brow and gives Dean a look, one that clearly tells him to shut the fuck up.

Dean, of course, doesn’t pay attention to it.

“Where the fuck are all the angels?” he asks instead, pushing Cas’ hand off his forehead and looking down either side of the hall. “This place should be swarming with them, right?”

“I was considering that…” Cas says and steps back, frowning. “Something is wrong, they should have been alerted to our presence, and we’re not making that much ground because you’re slow.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Cas responds, not catching on to Dean’s sarcasm. Dean rolls his eyes and takes a deep and hard breath through his nose. So now, he’s in pain and annoyed because he’s with an angel who has no idea how to recognize the nuances in human speech.

“Okay, so something is wrong, do you want to elaborate at what exactly?”

“Your observation was actually quite perceptive,” Cas says, and Dean basks in the satisfaction of feeling smart for once. “Which is not the norm for you, but you’re right, we should have been approached by a few angels by now.”

“I’m ignoring that you called me stupid, but did you lead us directly into a trap?” Dean is trying to focus his mind on connecting what Cas is saying, but at this point, he’s starting to feel like his head is filled with scrambled eggs.

“No, but I did bring us straight into the enemy's hands. This is the center of _Heaven_ Dean, it shouldn’t be this easy to get to my office. We should be fighting angels every step of the way because there is nowhere here that they can’t find us. I was just banking on us being one step ahead of them, and managing to avoid most of them by moving quickly, which, as I stated earlier is not happening because you are slow.”

Dean closes his eyes. “Okay, so what’s the plan? Just keep moving until we run into some angels?”

There is a beat of silence, and he opens his eyes to see Cas looking around, his jaw tensing. “I think they are trying to catch us off guard.”

“So the goal of the angels is to catch us with our pants down, okay, so what’s the plan, Cas?” He grits out, he just wants to sit down and rest because with each passing second the pain in his head intensifies.

Cas gives him a look of utter confusion and disbelief. “Why would our pants be down?”

Dean barks a laugh. “Cas it’s a turn of phrase, it means that we’re…” he trails off when he sees how Cas’ expression of confusion only gets worse, “nevermind.”

“Remind me to teach you how human’s speak after we make it out of this because if you’re constantly going to be confused it’ll be just annoying.”

Cas gives Dean a look of surprise. “You’ll still speak to me after I get you out?”

“I’m glad you have so much faith in me,” Dean mutters. “Of course I’ll keep talking to you, I’m not just gonna fuck off after you’ve helped me. This is the kind of thing that builds friendships Cas.”

He sees Cas’ lip turn up and he’s giving Dean a smile. It’s a small one, but Dean can’t help but smile back.

The moment is cut short when the lights in the hallway turn off and a siren blares loudly over the speakers. Dean doesn’t even have time to think, his migraine feels like it shatters in his head, and he crumples, covering his ears. He hears Cas’ shout of concern in the distance, but he’s too busy trying to breathe through the blinding pain that flares behind his eyelids and fills up his mouth with static, and makes him feel like he’s chewing on tinfoil.

It’s like a burst of sheer energy like electricity is soaring through his head. He can’t even focus on keeping himself conscious.

Cas is picking him up, carrying him as fast as he can through an office door.

As suddenly as the noise started, it stops and Dean tries to catch his breath. He slowly opens his eyes, meeting worried blue ones. Dean looks around the room, or tries, barely able to stop it from spinning. He notices what looks like blood in squiggly lines all over the door to the office and he coughs.

He spits out blood, and he looks back at Cas. “Looks like they figured out how to catch us off guard,” he says and smiles, seeing Cas’ eyes widen and then the room goes black. 

When Dean comes to, it’s still with that fucking migraine.

Cas is hovering over him, gently running his fingers over his temples, his forehead, and through his hair. Dean wants to protest, but it actually feels really fucking nice.

“What are you doing?” Dean tries to ask, but he wonders if the words are even coherent, considering that his tongue feels like mush inside his mouth. He wants to spit it out.

Cas’ head is bowed and his eyes are shut, he looks like he’s in deep concentration. “That siren in the hall was an angelic frequency,” he says softly. “So was the music, I should have connected your migraine with the sounds in the hallways. Your human soul is not equipped to hear it, and it caused it to be torn.”

He frowns and presses his thumb into Dean’s temple, it’s not hard, just a firm touch.

Dean wants to ask why that’s making Cas cradle his head and run his fingers through his hair like this. He can’t find the words though, and he figures it’s not worth his time to try and speak. So he closes his eyes again and fully relaxes, his head resting on the carpet.

“It’s dangerous, to be exposed to that frequency. I should have been more aware of how dangerous it was,” Cas murmurs. “So I am now piecing your soul back together, which is why I am touching you like this. I know you want personal space, but I have to touch you in order to fix this.”

“S’okay man,” Dean mutters, forcing his eyes open once more.

His brain is muddled, and he tries to keep the feelings swirling inside him from being connected to Cas touching him. He tries to think of Cas’ touch as that of a doctor. It is medical and methodical and necessary. It didn’t matter that the touch feels oddly intimate, in the silence of the room. He ignores how he can hear Cas’ breathing and ignores how he feels comfort in the soft touches.

After a few more moments, the pain slowly begins to subside and Dean is able to fully open his eyes and start to concentrate, but barely. He is still loopy and he lets his mind wander to the angel who is currently working over him.

He really was attractive, if Dean lets himself think about it. Cas has a manly jawline, but not one that is so sharp it makes him look like he’s carves out of stone. His jaw is covered in stubble, like no matter how hard he shaves he will always just have a five-o’-clock shadow. There was a small wrinkle in between his brow, something that Dean figured was from how Cas was always so damn confused. Right now, there was hair curling at his temples, and Dean considers how his hair is always so damn messy. He also has full, pink, lips, and although they looked chapped, Dean wonders what it would be like—

With that, he sighs heavily through his nose and tries to sit up. 

“I’m not done yet,” Cas says through gritted teeth, and Dean frowns. He doesn’t question it, but stops trying to fight him and forces himself to think about other things. Like how the hell they were going to get out of the mess they currently were in.

“What is that on the door?” he asks, figuring this will get his mind off of Cas’ mouth.

“Warding,” Cas responds. It is a short answer, and Dean can tell by the tense of his shoulders that he’s not really able to give much more.

Dean sighs and starts to drum his fingers on the carpet, and he can practically _feel_ Cas’ annoyance growing. He looks back up at him to be met with angry blue eyes.

“Will you _stop that_?” Cas asks, and huffs a breath through his nose, glaring over at Dean’s hand. “I’m trying to put your soul back together, and I can’t concentrate.”

“Geez,” Dean mutters but does what Cas asks and stays still.

After what feels like too long, Cas pulls back, giving a deep sigh and leaning back against the wall. Dean sits up and faces him. He looks exhausted, like doing that took a huge amount of strength, and Dean wonders if that’s why he was being so damn grumpy.

“I need to rest, but we will need to be more careful,” Cas says, slowly cracking an eye open. “The warding on the door is preventing the sound from getting in here, and it’s also keeping the angels out. It should hold for a while, but I’ll need to ward your soul to protect you in the hallways.”

“You need to rest?”

Cas nods and takes a deep breath through his nose, closing his eyes again. He leans his head back revealing the long line of his neck and _this is not the thought trail you are going down Dean._

“I wasn’t lying to you, or making a joke when I said that your soul is incredibly powerful. Think of holding a human soul like holding a small sun, some burn brighter and hotter. Now imagine trying to grab the solar flares of that sun while holding it. That’s what putting your soul back together was like, and you always seem to fight me along the way,” he murmurs.

Dean frowns. “I’m sorry, I wish I knew how to stop the fight.”

Cas makes a non-committal sound in the back of his throat. “Don’t worry about it, although the fighting is annoying, it is not bad.”

“Thanks,” Dean mutters and rolls his eyes.

“It’s a compliment, Dean. Your soul is the most beautiful one I have seen in the millennia that I have been existing,” Cas retorts. He says it so _fucking_ casually and Dean doesn’t know what to say to that. Instead, he is really grateful that Cas’ eyes are closed so he can’t see the blush that is forming on his face.

They sit in silence for a while after that, Cas’ breathing even and steady.

Dean thinks about how fucked he really is, at this moment. Not only is he dead, has the whole host of heaven after him, but he thinks he’s getting feelings for an angel who talks like a robot half the time.

Again, not something Dean is willing to touch with a ten-foot pole.

“Can you tell me what the plan is?” Dean asks, clearing his throat when his voice breaks. “I know you put up warding to protect me from the angelic sound, and it’s keeping angels out of here. But… what next? How do we get out of here.”

Cas raises his eyebrows and opens his eyes. “I will break the warding on the door after warding your soul from angelic frequencies, and then hold off the angels. You will run, straight to the end of the hall, take a left, and then up the stairs until the fourth floor. You will then get to room 4-788, and ask my friend Balthazar for help.”

Dean’s ears are ringing. “Wait… so you’re just giving yourself up? Just like that?”

“It’s the only way you’re going to get out of here, if you stay and fight with me we will both be captured.”

“You expect me to just sit here and go with this plan? Just expect you to fucking sacrifice yourself?!” Dean knows he’s close to yelling, but he thinks this plan is a crock of shit. He’s not just going to leave Cas to suffer alone, that’s despicable, after everything he has done for him.

“Yes,” Cas says simply. “There is no other choice, so stop being difficult.”

Dean glares and shakes his head. “Fuck that noise, what will they even do to you?”

Cas sighs and the muscles in his jaw clench. “They will imprison me for the rest of eternity. I may stand trial, but rebellion is rebellion. I have turned my back on the Host, the same as Lucifer.”

“Didn’t Lucifer hate humanity, though?”

Cas nods and gives Dean a sad smile. “That is why I will be imprisoned here in Heaven, and not imprisoned down in the pit. It is a slightly better punishment, not as cruel.”

“Why are you turning your back on the Host in the first place? I mean, I know I’m persuasive, and charming, and pretty good looking but you can’t have done this for just me, man,” Dean says and crosses his arms like a petulant child.

Cas shakes his head and walks over to Dean. “In order to give you warding I will have to touch you again,” he warns, pressing a hand to his chest.

“That doesn’t answer my question, Cas” Dean mutters but let’s Castiel start tracing his hands over his chest. “What are you even doing?”

“I’m essentially carving warding into your soul, kind of like… writing letters in your name. It’s more metaphysical, as in, you won’t be able to see it, but most angels will know what happened. It’ll help hide you from the angels, and at the same time, prevent you from being weakened by the sirens and prevent you from tapping into our communications.

“It won’t protect you from an angel trying to speak to you using their real voices, and it also won’t protect you from seeing a true form. That, I hope, you will try and avoid,” he mutters, his eyebrows once again furrowed in conversation.

The room is too warm, and Dean is starting to feel like he needs to crawl out of his skin and get the hell out of here. He wonders if it’s a side effect from the angel mumbo jumbo that Cas is currently doing to him. Or if it is the side effect of his own heart pounding in his ears and his mind trying to only focus on how close he and Cas were.

“It might be easier for me to do this if you took off your shirt.”

Dean swears he blacks out. “I’m sorry, what?” he chokes out, meeting Cas’ eyes.

Cas shakes his head. “Your shirt is kind of like armour over your soul, just like how clothes on Earth protect your skin. I can access your soul through your shirt, but it would be easier if I could just have direct contact. To you, everything looks physical, but for me, everything is waves of energy.”

“I have no clue what the hell you’re saying,” Dean says and can’t help but smile at Cas’ annoyed huff. He leans back and takes off his flannel and Henley. “Okay,” he says, ignoring how he feels incredibly naked at sitting in front of Cas shirtless, “have at ‘er.”

Cas rolls his eyes for the hundredth time and goes back to pressing his palm against Dean’s chest.

“You didn’t answer my question, by the way,” Dean says, looking off at the door. “Why are you rebelling, because it can’t just be for me.”

“I figured it was the right thing to do,” Cas says softly. “You’re also annoying, and your voice was getting on my nerves and I needed you to stop talking.”

Dean frowns. “Why do you keep insulting me? Also, helping me because I annoyed you is not a good reason.”

“It’s not the only reason,” Cas says quietly, moving his hand.

“Okay, so what’s the other reason?”

Cas sighs and sits back. “Done, you’re warded,” he mutters and hands Dean back his shirt. Dean considers how fast Cas got the warding on him versus how long it took to fix the pain that the sirens had caused.

“Stop avoiding the question, I figure since I’m letting you walk into imprisonment you should at least tell me why you are so willing to be imprisoned.”

Cas stares up at the ceiling and Dean watches as his adam’s apple bobs on a swallow. Again, Dean forces himself to focus on what Cas is about to say and not how his mind and dick are currently betraying him and making him think about how attractive the man is.

After a beat, Cas meets Dean’s gaze. “I have questions, I have doubts. I have had them for a long time because as I told you, human souls are powerful. They’re also stunningly beautiful, and they have so much power and vibrancy in them. It felt… wrong to wipe them of everything that made them so human. 

“Then, there was also Anna.”

Dean frowns, and then raises an eyebrow, did Cas fall in love with a human? Or was it an angel?

He quickly removes Dean’s worry.

“She was my superior, but also like my sister. She hated what we were doing to humans, in her eyes it was us harming God’s creation. We angels were made to obey, but you humans were made to _create_ which was only something God did. So in her eyes, you are basically God, and taking away the memories humans created was blasphemy.

“So she started to do things, like leaving little bits of memories behind. It would cause the humans to wake up, and she would pretend she missed something and then I would be sent to clear their minds again. Her actions though kept occurring, and she eventually confided in me. She told me that our actions were despicable and that we should stop.”

Cas runs a hand through his messy hair, and Dean thinks about how the motion is incredibly human.

“So… you’re doing this for her?”

Cas nods. “When she told me, I warned her that she should be careful, that it was rebellion to speak this way and commit the acts she was committing. She didn’t heed my warning, and went further than just leaving memories. She went into the human’s heavens and started waking them up one by one. Her idea was that if she woke up enough humans, we would _see_ why it was wrong. But, of course, we only obey, we don’t question so we didn’t see that what we were doing was wrong.

“After we managed to subdue the humans, she was imprisoned. She begged me to try and fight because she said she saw a spark in me, she saw my doubt,” he whispers and closes his eyes. “I told her I was not an abomination like her, and that I would never turn my back on the Host. That she deserved to rot in prison because she disobeyed God’s work.”

He chuckles darkly and looks back at Dean, giving him a sad smile. “So, she planted this seed in me, but it never really grew. Instead, I would just hate what I was doing but never could put my finger on why. Then, I was forced to clear your soul. So, Dean, I would have to say that you’re a big reason as to why I am doing this.”

Dean swallows and looks down at his hands. He doesn’t know how to react to the story, but he never was good with words. How does he thank a guy for sacrificing himself for him? A simple thank you didn’t feel like enough, but he didn’t know what other words there were.

While he sits there trying to figure out what to say, Cas stands up. He sighs and looks to the door, and Dean looks up at him.

There is resolve on Cas’ face.

‘Do you remember the plan?”

Dean nods and stands up. “Run down the hallway, turn left, up the stairs to the fourth floor, and find your friend.”

Cas gives him a sad smile and nods. “You’re surprisingly smart for a human,” he says, giving Dean one more backhanded compliment. “Please find your brother, and don’t worry about me.”

Cas walks to the door and scrubs off the warding, the second he opens the door, ten angels swarm them. Cas is fast, he’s strong too, and he starts pushing them back. Cutting at them with his angel blade and throwing punches.

Dean doesn’t pause when Cas gets them out of the way and he bolts through the door, he doesn’t pay attention to the angel’s shouts. He doesn’t turn at the light flashing behind him.

Angel’s deaths were weird, you could feel the force of it. It washes over you like a flash of wind, causing your clothes to flutter and heat to soak into the back of your neck. It felt like standing too close to a lightning strike.

Dean keeps running, he doesn’t hear Cas anymore, but he doesn’t give himself time to think about it.


End file.
